Fine, Thanks. You?

Love in Any Light, Part II

Sat, 23 Feb 2013 12:15:00 -0500

I want love in any light:

In the too-early, feline light of morning

that paws my lids before mind and heart have time to fuse,

And the cheerless light above the bathroom mirror

poised to probe my nakedness

and judge me soaked and shivering after the refuge of a shower.

I want love –

In the flickering light of car 1632

on the B to Harlem –

anchored in the grimy window

as the Manhattan shudders by,

And in the itchy light of St. Nicholas

anxious to be home again.

I want

Love in the fragile light

of a nap on a Sunday afternoon,

in my sweater and socks with hair unpinned.

And in the light that’s not there at all

in night’s inky belly,

when Nerve stumbles blindly to the door.

I want love in any light:

In the aching light of my failings –

the scars on my neck,

the pills by my toothbrush,

And the light that splits my ribs from within,

the one we never talk about.

Speck

Sun, 20 Jan 2013 22:37:12 -0500

Periphery

Wed, 26 Dec 2012 02:03:03 -0500

Valentine

Sat, 03 Nov 2012 01:00:10 -0400

Aquitaine

Sun, 30 Sep 2012 14:11:14 -0400

Fenced

Sun, 09 Sep 2012 21:50:00 -0400

Xanthan

Mon, 13 Aug 2012 21:50:00 -0400

For None

Sun, 01 Jul 2012 19:59:59 -0400

Howler

Mon, 25 Jun 2012 22:26:02 -0400

Love in Any Light

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 20:16:50 -0500

Extracurricular

Sun, 18 Dec 2011 18:25:25 -0500

Liquide

Sun, 13 Nov 2011 23:02:36 -0500

The Infinite Float

Sun, 13 Nov 2011 22:35:58 -0500

In The Dark, All Cats Are Black

Sun, 13 Nov 2011 14:50:00 -0500

Solipsist's Repose

Wed, 05 Oct 2011 19:40:00 -0400

The Clement Thresh

Tue, 04 Oct 2011 19:11:29 -0400

All is Forgiven, So Long as We Try

Wed, 28 Sep 2011 12:32:40 -0400

When my grandfather died in 5759, every bit of my naked, pre-adolescent heart ached to keep that year. The idea of a new year - the first of many that he would not share with us - weakened me, sickened me, soured in my gut. A new year seemed at best like a slight, and at worst like a blind, cruel shove in the direction of The Forgotten. One that, it goes without saying, my hands felt forced to make - and one that has never truly come to be.

Now, as I approach this first new year without my grandmother, it is hard not to let these feelings creep back between my ribs… I’ve never been very good with change: I’m a reluctant healer, an adamant pain-dweller, a relentless pessimist - the girl with all four limbs braced against the doorjamb while the whole house tries to push through her.

But, in the round, as-yet spotless face of 5772, my now post-adolescent (although still quite naked) heart knows that all is forgiven, so long as we try. As the world forgives me for my shortcomings - for my reticence to heal, for the stubborn way I cling to my pain - I must forgive it for doing what is inevitable. I must forgive it for simply. moving. forward.

It is in my nature to feel loss, to anger, to suffer wrongs and injustices that sometimes aren’t entirely there. And the world, in its infinite (albeit often tough) love, carries me to a new year again and again, quieting my complaints with the renewed chance to stubbornly remember, to relentlessly love, and to keep vibrant the spirits of those I miss so.

L’shana tova.

Vacancy

Tue, 27 Sep 2011 20:30:00 -0400

The Swell

Sat, 17 Sep 2011 12:15:00 -0400

Untethered Horses and Other Spectres of Time

Mon, 12 Sep 2011 23:34:00 -0400